Why I shook Tom's hand in New York...

 Why I shook Tom’s hand in New York is sometimes still a mystery to me. I know why I did it at the time though. I mean there was nothing I could do to the man then. He knew what he did and I knew what he did. He was acting like a child. I was being the bigger man. He was a coward for running away from his problems. He ratted out Gatsby to George Wilson. He indirectly killed a man. Yet, he still approached me like the world was the same. He brought up Myrtle. He still thinks Gatsby is the one who was driving the car. He is an ignorant man who only care about himself. I will never be able to accept or even understand his actions. I do not think I could ever bring myself to like him. Daisy and Tom messed up and now they are running away from their problems. This entire summer was surrounded and engulfed in drama, death, and disaster. Everyone was involved in one way or another. I feel like I am the only one who actually stuck around to see the ending. Gatsby would have liked it if Daisy mourned his death. I think Myrtle would have liked it if Tom mourned her death. Daisy and Tom are not that kind of people. They just keep moving. I shook Tom's hand because I know that he does not know any better. He is going to keep doing what is best for him. That is what people like him do. 

What I was feeling at Gatsby's funeral...

 What I was feeling at Gatsby’s funeral was utter frustration. Thousands of people came to his house for his extravagant parties, but no one came to his funeral. This man allowed people to eat and drink at his home without any form of invitation, but no one had the decency to come to his funeral. In the end it was only me, Owl Eyes, and Gatsby’s father. Not even Daisy or Jordan came. Daisy and Tom just left town. After everything that happened at the hotel, Daisy did not even acknowledge Gatsby’s death. Klipspringer even called asking for his shoes, but refused to come to funeral. I was so furious that I could not even stay on the phone with him. How could people do this to him? I felt completely alone and lost. Everything that had happened this summer was because of Gatsby. Whether or not he knew it, Gatsby taught me many lessons. He was a friend that I never had. His father told me many things about who Gatsby truly was. I learned that Gatsby was little dishonest in telling me who he was. I felt betrayed that Gatsby did not tell me the whole truth, but I was angrier with the turnout at the funeral. I felt frustration at society. How could people use a man like this and not even pay their respects. He is dead now and no one can do anything about it. This moment and this feeling will stick with me forever. It has shaped who I am today. After anyone met Gatsby, they became a different person. Some people changed for the better and some people changed for the worse. Gatsby could do

that to people. 

What I was thinking at the hotel...

What I was thinking at the hotel with Daisy, Tom, Gatsby, and Jordan was that something bad was going to happen. Tom and Gatsby were really starting to argue. I thought punches were going to be thrown. They were fighting over Daisy of course, but it was getting out of hand. This was not the place to fight. It was also very hot and uncomfortable in that room. Everyone was trying to have a good time, but Tom kept egging on Gatsby. I knew this type of argument was bound to happen eventually. I mean Tom and Daisy were both having an affair at the time. Gatsby was obviously in love with Daisy. The situation could have been handled a little more civilly. Jordan and I were just there. We were not part of the argument, which made the situation awkward. We both knew about both affairs which made everything even more awkward. Tom, Daisy, and Gatsby were losing respect as the argument went on. I really thought someone was going to get seriously injured, little did I know that someone would but in a completely different way. I kept thinking about when the argument was going to end because I was tired of all the drama. I did not want to see my friends get hurt. This conversation was definitely breaking down barriers and causing new wounds to be formed. Tom was bound to find out eventually. Daisy had to come to grips about Tom's affair. They need to figure out where they stand with each other. Also, Gatsby has this perfect image of Daisy in his head, but she will never reach that perfect image. She is too conflicted right now. Everyone needs to figure out their own lives.

Why I helped arrange Gatsby to meet with Daisy

There are many reasons why I helped arrange for Gatsby and Daisy to meet. First was because of the look Gatsby gave me when he asked. I could see something in his eyes. There was a deep longing and sadness. He needed this. The least I could do for my new friend was arrange to have him meet with my cousin. Second was because I knew about the affair Tom was having with Myrtle. If he could do that to Daisy, why couldn't she do it to him?

Gatsby was so stressed for the occasion. We wanted my grass to be cut and my house rearranged. I questioned it at first, but then I just let him do what he wanted. There was nothing that was going to get in Gatsby’s way. Third was because I wanted Gatsby to be my friend. I wanted him to like me. This was definitely a good start to that friendship. There did not seem to be any harm in having Daisy come meet Gatsby. If anyone like Tom found out, it would simply seem like Daisy was coming over my house. She is my cousin and there is no harm if she comes over. No one had to know that she was meeting Gatsby. I called Daisy and warned her to come alone anyway. When she arrived, Gatsby was gone. I thought he lost his nerve, but then he came in soaking wet. It was like the entire world stopped. Anyone would have known those two had a history by the way they looked at each other. This felt like something I had to do. Gatsby would have found some other way to regain contact with Daisy, so why shouldn't have been through me? I had nothing to lose and everything to gain. 

What I was feeling when went with Gatsby to New York

What I was feeling when I went with Gatsby to New York for lunch was suspicion. After getting to know Gatsby for a few weeks, I thought I had a clear and true understand of who he was. He seemed unassuming and kind. He had a smile that changed the entire room. He asked me what I did for a living and told him about the bond business, but I did not think much of it. We drove to New York and he told me a little more about his life. He even had evidence to prove it. He talked about Oxford and showed me pictures. I had this feeling he may have still been lying or at least stretching the truth. Everything seemed too good to be true. 

When we went to lunch, he introduced me to Meyer Wolfsheim. The place we went to was not your average restaurant. Honestly it was not even a restaurant. We were there for purposes way beyond eating.  As soon as you walked in, you had this feeling of suspicion. Just by being in the building, I felt like I was doing something wrong. This was when I had the biggest feeling a suspicion and betrayal. Gatsby was obviously not the man he appeared to be. This man, Meyer Wolfsheim, was deep into some important business deals. He even fixed the World Series. He asked about my bond business. He already knew what I did. The only person that could have told him was Gatsby. I had this feeling that Gatsby told so that I would get involved in this dirty business. Is Gatsby involved in all of these schemes? Is this how he makes his money? I surely hope not. He seemed different. He seemed better than that. I have a feeling that Gatsby is more powerful than everyone thinks he is. He has connections is dark places. I started to get a feeling that Gatsby was not just throwing parties and living luxuriously.

What I was thinking when I first saw Gatsby

What I was thinking when I first saw Gatsby was not what I thought it was going to be. Earlier that day I had heard an array of rumors about this mysterious and possibly convoluted Gatsby. His mansion was already a reason for judgment. The house was gigantic. It had everything a man could ever need. I knew about the ravishing parties as well, but I knew nothing of the man who threw them. Just tonight, at dinner, Jordan Baker mentioned Gatsby. She made it seem like the entire world knew this man. Daisy seemed extremely interested as well, but she had enough to worry tonight. Tom’s mistress called right in the middle of dinner and Daisy seemed to know about the entire situation. Though, it was not surprising that Tom was having an affair.

On my way home that night, after the dinner with Daisy, Tom, and Jordan, is when I saw him. He was standing out on his dock reaching out to what seemed like nothing, but in the distance there was a green light. I assumed he was reaching toward that, but the poor man was shaking. He did not seem to fit any of the rumors I had heard. He was not drinking and partying. He was completely alone, which did not make much sense. He seemed to want to be alone though. I don’t think anyone would have wanted to disturb him. Why would a man with so much, want so little?  I felt bad for him, but there was obviously something more to that light than meets the eye. He seemed lost and broken.

I was going to yell to him to see if we could be introduced, but it did not seem to be the right moment. The strangest part was that after a while he just disappeared. I turned away for just a few seconds and when I looked back he was gone. I guess he may have seen me and did not want to talk. With all of that trembling, I don’t think anyone would want to have a conversation. I had created my own rumors now. Maybe he was actually drunk and just acting strange or maybe he was insane. Either way, there is something more to this man than meets the eye. He is hiding something.